Even with our most diligent selection and stringent requirements of entry there are always a few crafty scoundrels who make their way into our fine establishment with the sole intention of harassing and exploiting the noble intentions and admittedly deep pocket-books of our fine patrons. However, while they may be despicable thieving miscreants they do often redeem themselves through the visceral pleasure of their company, especially after hours. Here then is a selection of those types of which to beware.
The ARISTOCRAT The Aristocrat is an impetuous and indignant social tyrant. Often of wealth and heritage, they are burdened by a sense of entitlement as well as a guilty conscience as to their inherent lack of value, the dichotomy of which leaves the Aristocrat vulnerable to being ruthlessly exploited by pandering to his desperate desire to be validated.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 73% to 27%
The MATA HARI Although average in appearance, the Mata Hari is anything but. Skilled in the French art of l’amour, she will seduce you with physickal gratification and then politely demand recompense, whereupon she will continue to seek you out, day after day, to pursue the basest of carnal desires, providing hour upon hour of ecstasy the likes of which most men can scarcely imagine, in exchange for small gifts. By all means, avoid her!
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 18% to 82%
The EXHIBITIONIST The Exhibitionist requires only the flimsiest pretense to strip off his over-coat, top-coat, jacket, waist-coat, dickie, blouse, under-shirt, trousers, under-trousers and sub-under-trousers to display his enviable physique. Many a young Woman has been tempted by his gleaming, hairless chest. Beware, ladies! Those who succumb to their base instincts soon find themselves face to face with the D---l himself! That, and the Exhibitionist’s enormous penis.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 50% to 50%
The MATRON Beyond her years of maternal necessity, the Matron prowls the night like a jungle cat seeking the Life-essence of any young Gentleman her withered paws can grasp. The lustful vengeance of her lost youth is merciless and depleting but undeniably exquisite. Beware the roving pack of Matrons, as their powers are amplified exponentially by their numbers.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 37% to 63%
The WANDERER The wanderer is a slovenly scoundrel, generally revolting in appearance and utterly inept in regard to personal hygiene, however they are often quite gifted in music and the arts. His greatest talent, or curse, depending on your preference, lurks wrapped in his filthy swaddling pants: the trunk-like “brush” with which he is an undeniable master.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 3% to 97%
The DANDY The Dandy is a care-free and restless spirit, always seeking the most pleasure for the least amount of exertion, especially when dealing with the affairs of an amorous nature. Often well-educated and charming, a Dandy can be an entertaining companion and a witty conversationalist despite their universal tendency to be conceited and boorish.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 32% to 68%
The DARK LORD Here is a mystic just return’d from the East! He navigates the dark byways of the Occkult, doing Lucifer’s bidding in exchange for powers beyond the imagination of mortals: the Death Touch, control of the Moon, the ability to speak to cats ... though in truth no one has ever witnessed these terrible feats, as everyone finds an excuse to immediately leave the party whene’er he arrives.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 0% to 0%
The ZEALOT One of God’s most favored Children, the Zealot dedicates her life to finding salvation for all creatures. She is forever seeking The Lord’s Counsel, and whether it be in the Cathedral, in the alley behind the Publick House, or in the brothel where she resides, God never fails to speak to her, usually more than once.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 17% to 83%
The STATESMAN While his outward appearance is that of accomplishment and sophistication, the Statesman is often a toppled Captain-of-Industry looking to prey upon the social aspirations of a beautiful but common Lady. Frequently impotent, the Statesman relies on humiliation and degradation for his own carnal satisfaction.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 66% to 34%
The THESPIAN Unfortunately for the rest of polite society, the Thespian’s narcissistic tendency to instill drama at every opportunity results in frequent drunken and embarrassing outbursts resulting in many an awkward moment. While passionate when physickally intimate, copulation often leads to uncontrollable sobbing, which can be her most disturbing performance yet.
Stature vs. Satisfaction: 23% to 77%